Brutality of the Goddess

i’m not particulary interested in my filipino class or in any filipino class for that matter. my command of the language is amazing–amazingly horrendous, that is.  once i was asked to report in class and i stopped in the middle of my report, pressed my lips together, composed myself, inhaled deeply before saying, "ma’am, puede ko magbinisaya?  di jud nako carry and tagalog."  with a look of utter pity, my teacher agreed to allow me to speak the language that i could best express myself in.

lately though, i believe i’m having fun.  i enjoy filipino because of our lengthy discussions of philippine epics.  i can’t help but crack up at the most outrageous scenes in the story.  believe me, it’s too obvious that the author or whoever came up with the epics wanted to achieve a happy ending at all costs.

case in point: in darangan, mabaning’s brother was killed by datu mapondi.  mapondara, mabaning’s brother, as you know is one of the good guys and HE CANNOT SIMPLY EVAPORATE FROM THE STORY.  thus, just as mapondara lay dead, enter madali who came from goodness knows where and brings mapondara back to life using his power as a ‘manghuhula’ (hmm…i wonder how fortune tellers can actually bring a person back to life…). 

there was also another part in the same story wherein the hero, mabaning, was nearly defeated by the vile datu mapondi.  just as mapondi was about to shred mabaning into a thousand little maranaw shreds, enter bantugan from his kingdom a jillion miles away bringing with him an army to save the day.  wow.  talk about coming just in the nick of time.

in the story indarapatra at sulayman, king indarapatra orders his brother sulayman to kill the four beasts who have been plaguing the kingdom.  we see prince sulayman as the perfect principe: dashing, debonair, brave, and above all skilled with the sword.  unfortunately, just as he was about to slay the third beast (a huge bird that has the habit of swooping down on a poor little village whenever), he made the horrid mistake of chopping off big bird’s wing and not running for it just in time.  hence, the wing fell on top of him, squashing him dead.  indaraptra knows about his brother’s death through a nifty plant in the veranda and comes to the rescue.  and get a load of this–i love this part, the line, actually, so i’ll state it as i read it: nang lumingon siya ay bigla niyang nakita and mahiwagang tubig na lunas na ginamit niya upang mabuhay muli si sulayman.  hark!  talk about the magic agua popping out of nowhere.

i also find parts of the other epics simply ridiculous but interesting nonetheless.  kung sa ako pang pinulongan–trampas gayud! 

let’s take hudhud for instance.  aliguyon and pumbakhayon were in the middle of the greatest freaking duel in the mythological history of the ifugao people.  just when things got a lot more thrilling, in came one of the their moms to ask if her baby boy pumbakhayon could take a break and eat lunch.  the thing is, aliguyon had to agree!  i could actually hear someone scream ‘RECESS!’ in the middle of their fight.  wow.  if i were aliguyon i would’ve just chopped the guy’s head off when he stopped.

Moral of the story Biag ni Lam-ang: never go up the mountains killing igorots.  you just might smell like hell.  take lam-ang for instance, the moment the village maidens bathed him in the river, hell, the fishes died because of the stink and the grime that came off him.

Bidasari was even more outrageous.  first off, her parents actually forgot they brought a baby in the forest thus leaving her by the river bank.  second, i’ve never heard of someone who actually told their adversary how best they could be killed.  that’s bidasari for ya.

and of course, who could forget Labaw Donggon who just couldn’t get enough of beautiful women–even one that was taken.  dah sana!  gibitay lagi ilawom sa balay sa bana sa iyang ganahang agawon.

then you have tulalang who’s tall dark and never mind who falls in love in the blink of an eye, who orders his accessories to fight in his stead.  and then you have tuwaang the only freakin guy who made the diwata utter a word.  i wonder how good he looked.  he must’ve been drop dead gorgeous.

that’s philippine epic for you.  it’s unbelievable but undeniably enjoyable.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 16th, 2007 at 7:58 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.