Brutality of the Goddess

this is actually a tribute to some of my friends, which is not to say that i am making fun of you guys.  these might just be some of the few things i would propose to be included in the dictionary should i come face to face with merriam webster someday.

i guess this just manifests how much spending time with these few people have actually made an impression on me.  call it whatever you want but here are some of the things that you might also want to include in your vocabulary of unaccepted words/expresions as of yet.

1. Doing the Bob.  what exactly is doing the Bob?  Doing the Bob connotes applying a layer of powder on your face every two minutes in an attempt to appear whiter, paler.  it is applying powder with the intention of achieving a vampiric complexion.  Doing the Bob is also applying blush-on on your eyes to make them rosy pink and applying a swathe of Ballerina Pink lip gloss and shine on your lips until your smackers are redder than red, pinker than pink. 

2. Doing the Pong.  doing the pong is choosing to be stick thin.  it is avoiding every opportunity and refusing to yeild to the temptation of munching down a delectable steak sandwhich in one, two, or three gulps.  doing the pong is believing that you are obese if you hit the 90-pound mark.  doing the pong is loving, living, and breathing black.  it is also the state of being crucified on your gate in a rainy evening after encoding your blasted BC25 paper. 

3. Doing the Julienne.  this one’s a bit tricky.  doing the julienne is a state of being that no matter what you do, you will always incur the ire of your teacher in a major subject.  doing the julienne is synonymous to doing the tawny.  if it is used in a sentence such as: Stop julienning!  it means that one must cease speaking in dabawenyo tagalog and therefore move on to speaking in bisaya even if your are having a freaking hard time doing so.

4. Doing the Metmet.  if you metmet someone, you’re actually prodding someone to divulge very important information.  that someone can be a friend and more often is.  to metmet is to be able to succesfully peel of information of juice out details from a friend who usually tries albeit fails, to hide very important sikretos.  doing the metmet is to be a martyr when it comes to group works and docus.  it is to suffer alone even though you have a companion.  that’s doing the metmet.

5. Doing the Roland.  Rolanding is actually resisting the urge to forgive a homosexual who has wronged you no matter the degree.  it is to believe that to err is human and to forgive–well, to hell with forgiveness.  it is to be brutal in resignation letters and to have a strong affiliation and affinity to koreans.  doing the roland can also be termed as Dicending or doing the dicen.

6. Doing the Lycar. lycaring is something that not all people usually love to do.  it is being very very, to a jillion times, very understanding, caring, and humanitarian.  it is to follow the path of mohandas ghandi and jesus christ by being very forgiving and very martyr-like.  if you lycar, you actually don’t mind sacrificing much of your precious time in the name of service.  to be doing the lycar is like accepting the death penalty instead of your friend.  to do the lycar is to yeild all in the name of service.

7. Doing the Naddie.  naddying is devoting your time to dancing, dancing, and dancing.  if you naddie, you spend your waking hours swaying to the beat of whatever creates a beat.

8. Doing the Juliana.  to say that you are julianning can be viewed as a compliment.  it means being able to prevent committing fashion suicide after giving birth.  julianning is also debating in the most fashionable and intelligent of senses.  if you julianad during the past few weeks, you actually struck a balance between studying and enjoying life while still being able to fulfill the responsibilities of early motherhood.

9. Doing the Matti.  the term doing the matti can only be applied to people 5 feet seven or taller.  it is wrong to tell a person that ‘he/she mattied’ when he falls below the minimum height requirement.  to do the matti is to be able to fluently speak in bisaya despite one’s distinct caucasian features.  if you mattied someone, it also means that you were able to capture the heart of someone deeply religious.  this does not include priests or friars, though.

10. Doing the Bogy.  to do the bogy is to embrace responsibility freely once it is given to you–of course, without expecting the responsibility.  if you bogied, it could also mean that you auditioned for a start search being fully confident that you are indeed super star material.  to say that you bogied your classmate’s song means that you made a music video out of it at the crack of dawn.

11. Doing the Bryce.  have you bryced someone?  maybe you have.  to bryce is to share hot gossip with someone you are close to.  it is to call your friend without really meaning to talk to him or her about the state of the estonian government or why in heaven’s name has gemalyel been assasinated.  to do the bryce is to stir up controversy.

12. Doing the Ces.  Have you cessed someone lately?  you must have.  the term only applies when you have actually gotten into a fierce argument with the security guard because he wouldn’t let you in the campus while riding any vehicle because he insists that you have a pair of legs and you must use them.  to do the ces is to be wrestle with the security guard with your makeup on.  refrain from cessing if you wish to maintain congenial relationships with the security guard.

more to come…more to come…give me suggestions…hehehe…

After subscribing to Seventeen, Candy, and Meg magazines for nearly four years now and after careful study and analysis on the male species, i have come to the conclusion that the male species could further be divided into several subspecies which compose the gender continuum prior to seguing into the female part of the spectrum.

although i’ve lived with the story of adam and eve since the first time my nurse maid read to me snatches of the stories in the bible, particularly the myths in the book of genesis, i believe that with the current state of our society today, no longer are adam and eve alone.  no longer will adam and eve be the only known pair because thanks to societal evolution, we can truly say that apart from the traditional couple, we also have adam and steve to be elaborated later on in this analytic study.

now, how do we exactly divide the male sex into the various subspecies which i have mentioned a while ago?  let us start from where the female continuum trails off and blends into the first subspecies–gays.

MAINSTREAM GAYS.  for a long time now, gays have been regarded as some of nature’s mysteries.  no one exactly know whether gaydom can be achieved through nature or nurture and often, several cases contradict each other.  generally, gays are characterized as being biologically male, yet psychologically female.  gays have the charms of a man and yet the heart of a woman.  they usually gravitate towards the physical expressions of beauty such as the arts and they usually are flambouyant.  mainstream gays are comfortable with their sexuality and thus are able to interact with other people without being too selfconscious about their gay-ness.  gays are attracted to troglodyts or to fellow gays.

SEMI-ECLIPTIC GAYS.  then you have the semi-ecliptic gays.  these are the gays who have partly accepted their sexuality.  the operative word here is PARTLY.  that means that being gay has not totally sunken into their systems.  they might act like gays to a select group in society while act otherwise to another.  they are inconsistent in terms of their gay-ness.  it is a misnomer to refer to these people as ‘effeminate men.’  semi-ecliptic gays are attracted to men, although they deny it sometimes and to fellow gays.

ECLIPTIC GAYS.  ecliptic gays are gays in hiding.  they are still indenial of their state of being gay although they do have an inkling of what they are exactly.  they do not want people to know that they are gay.  at all costs, they deny any accusations of being gay.  they try their best to act like men, to dress like men, and to be like men and this often is to no avail because no matter how much they try to hide their true sexuality, it simply manifests itself through their movements.  ecliptic gays are sometimes attracted to men and they try to affiliate themselves with men in the guise of friendship.

JANIC GAYS.  janic gays, janic from the roman god ‘janus’ who has two faces, are gays who, although they may have shown manifestations of being gay, likewise show manifestations of being men.  they are open to their sexuality and they are attracted to both men and women,and at times, to their fellow gays.  they do not crossdress.  that is, they dress like men and often give importance to their looks.

PRETTY BOYS.  pretty boys are more popularly known as metrosexuals.  they are vain and they give much importance to their looks.  they are meticulous when it comes to prepping up.  they take into consideration each and every minute detail that has anything to do with their physical self.  their lashes must be perfectly curled, every strand of hair must be in the right place, the powder must be able to bring out that inner glow in them, their lips must be a perfect shade of plush pink.  they love class and they love the social scene.  they love fashion and they will never leave their homes unless their shirts have been properly pressed or their shoes polished to a perfect shine.  pretty boys are attracted to women, not to gays, not to troglodyts or anything else in between.

ILLUSTRADOS.  illustrados pay attention to how they look but not too much.  they are usually sophisticated to a certain level and yet boyish and athletic at another one.   they know culture.  they are civilized.  they are informed and they put value both on their looks and on what’s going to beef up that gray matter in their heads.  they are usually engaged debates.  they are inclined to the intellectual side of things without being fashionably disastrous.  they are attracted to women who have attained the same intellectual enlightenment as they have had.

MAINSTREAM MEN.  mainstream men are your stereotypical male.  they love cars, they love gadgets, and they love video games to dearth.  they don’t dress that shabbily and although they complain about studying, they still study, anyway.  they are not particularly brilliant but they are your typical knights in armor.  mainstream men have a little bit of everything.  they still desire to be the typical 8-5 working father, the bread winner of the family and they have traditional views of women.  they are attracted to women and most often are desired by gays.

TROGLODYTS.  troglodyts are the hunter-gatherer types in the male kingdom.  the krunks.  the cave men.  they don’t care about how they smell, they don’t care about how they look, they don’t care if they’ve even been using the same pair of pants for a month.  they just don’t care.  troglodyts stoop down to the most uncivilized ways of attracting attention and don’t get me started on that one.  troglodyts don’t bother taking a bath.  they eat like ravenous wolves and don’t wipe their mouths right after.  troglodyts lug around town with a swarm of flies trailing them wherever they go.  they are attracted to women.  unfortunately, women are not attracted to them.

the above subspecies are only some of the more prominent subspecies in the male kingdom.  i might write a more detailed account although more studying has to be done to be able to come up with a truly exhaustive presentation.  an edition on women might come up later on.

school’s back but basically, not everyone is happy for all the insane reasons.  for sophomore mass communication students, you can say that a lot of people aren’t exactly jubilant thanks to the fact that, as fate would have it, they are under the ‘axis of evil.’

can’t mention names though, unless i’d vanish into thin air tomorrow but believe me, the first week has been quite fun.  let me recount my experiences to you just for the heck of it.

just when i thought that i had gotten all the teachers that i had chosen during the enrolment period, my joy was cut short when i found out that three of my teachers weren’t exactly the ones i had chosen.  later on, however, i found out that they weren’t that bad after all, leaving me to dismiss the nasty horror stories about them with a burst of laughter.

now, i’ve heard a lot of stories that Teacher 1 in religion 22 isn’t only strict but he/she also requires one to churn out a term paper.  honestly, after my little ordeal in bc25 (i just hate those God-forsakened notecards!) the last thing i wanted to do in the second semester was to write another 10-page term paper about so-and-so.  argh…  the day was wednesday and bob, julie and i entered the class with our bibles in hand, expecting that we’d be drenched into another session of talks about God’s greatness when all of a sudden our dear teacher tells us to get one-half lengthwise for a pop quiz.

" didn’t you hear me when i told you not to enter the classroom with nary thing about the books of the new testament?"  she threw a rhetorical question.

actually, i heard that part.  what i didn’t hear was the part about a test.  but who would?  it was a pop quiz, for heaven’s sake.  bob, julie, and i exchanged nervous glances for a moment and i quickly scanned over the list of new testament books in my bible while asking for paper at the same time.  deep in my heart of hearts, i was partly glad that our friend, jhay-ar had allowed us to segue into singing the new testament song during math which refreshed almost 95% of my memory on those 27 books.  she ordered us to shut our bibles close and to put them away for a test.  and as you know, the rest is history and gladly, the results did not deserve being tossed into an abyss.

history class has also been quite interesting, although a lot of my classmates seem to think otherwise.  the time was quite conducive for taking astral trips to dreamland but really, nothing could be more thrilling than to tell the teacher that the philippines was found in the southeast asia bounded by taiwan in the north and indonesia and the celebes sea in the south.  pong said that i reek of geek.  i agree.

as for sociology, it’s been the second meeting and, well, there have been inprovements in terms of our class size.  during the first meeting, only four of us showed up.  our teacher was more than happy when, during the second meeting, already six students showed up.  who knows what to expect during the third meeting?  actually, the atmosphere was quite cozy and i wouldn’t have it any other way given that the whole set up seemed so private and so intellectually stimulating.

PE, lastly, has been hilarious.  i can’t quite think of words to perfectly capture the athletic anciano who insisted that our poor boy classmates should transfer into an all-boy section.  not good.  it’s fun having in-betweeners in class.  granted that we’re supposed to take basketball seriously, at least they shouldn’t take the inbetweeners away from us.  we girls just love to have someone who’s both male and female at the same time.  especially during four quarters of basketball.

if it weren’t for the national debating championships in baguio city, i guess i would have been bored to death what with three weeks of doing nothing.  sembreak gives you that lethargic feeling even if you don’t want it and it manages to keep that feeling there unless you try to do something to break away from the spell.

i was sad to leave baguio and along with it, leave behind the teeth-chatteringly cold weather.  i missed the ukay-ukay expeds on session road and having to go up 392 steps of the Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes while laughing my heart out at the same time.  I missed going uphill and downhill while keeping my hands warm within my denim jacket. 

i’m back home, back to dumaguete where the weather can be swelteringly hot.  and now, what’s next?  i couldn’t help but feel boredom swell into me, making me sigh for a record number of times.  i was desperate to get out of the trap.  so depserate in fact that i went to my grandmother’s house to unearth my old family computer and play a good ol’ game of super mario 3.

i missed mario more than any other video game character.  mario was a huge part of my childhood and even my preteen and teen years.  i would always find myself sitting in front of the tv, joystick in hand as i tried to save my butt from the evil dragon’s clutches.  the enjoyment i felt whenever i’d go from one level to the next is something that i find hard to explain in words, probably because the words to describe have yet to exist.

back then, i would devote an entire saturday just playing and shrieking in delight after finally making it to the sky world.  i knew i was steps closer to rescuing the princess and that was something that got me giddy with excitement.

it’s been how many years since i last played super mario and i can’t wait to play the game all over again.  never mind if i have 2D sprites running across the screen eating mushrooms and feathers, jumping on top of beaked turtles and what not.

it’s been a long, long time and finally, i’ll be back to spending time with super mario.