Brutality of the Goddess

I can’t help but notice how some people just want to kill other people.  I mean, what happened to the Black Eyed Peas’ song ‘Where’s the Love?’  All of a sudden, some people are starting to emulate the infamous Palparan by thinking of outrageous ways of making the friendly neighborhood classmate happy in the afterlife.

To the people who have been there with me through good times and bad, you have my UNDYING gratitude–undying that is, if my friendly neighborhood assasin will not kill me faster than one can say ‘crab’!

However, since my troop master in the Girl Scouts taught me to always be prepared, i decided to come up with my Last Will and Testament, you know, just in case he/she-who-plots-evil will decide that the world’s too crowded for istaki doll.

Read carefully.  I might just leave you something.

I, Stacy Danika Sia Alcantara, sophomore student of the School of Communication, Speaker of the House of the Student Government Assembly, computer geek and super nerd, do make and declare my last will and testament as follows:

To my lovable parents of the cottage across Edith Carson Hall, I give and devise all the lands I hold or have a right to, in the vast area of my backyard, all contained in cracked clay pots which my biological mother purchased from Daro.  Take the pots and everything contained therein, too.

To Ate Joey, the daughter of the dean (who is also in the hit list) and his wife (ditto), I give unto my torn and tattered textbook on the Philippine Constitution by Hector de Leon and everything inserted between the pages of such.  May you enjoy dozing off as you leaf through the pages of one of my most beloved, battered books in Political Science.

To Ate Babes, the youngest daughter of the dean and his wife, I gladly hand you down Trixie, my vicious mini-pincher, Shakespeare and Alfonso Quijana, my chinese turtles, and Lorraine my uncle’s reticulated python, now in my possession.  I request Ate Babes to take good care of my adorable animal friends–all of which i find more adorable and attractive behind safe, steel cages and wonderfully crafted containers.  in the event that any of my dumplings will die, please offer them a decent burial.

To my sister, Lycar Flores, I give and devise my bicycle, training wheels included, my roller skates and the knee and shoulder pads that go with it that these may facilitate her a more convenient and faster way of transporting herself from the SG office to the gym and back again. 

All my lip glosses namely : my Penshoppe Lip Sheers in the shade of Ballerina Pink, Penshoppe LIp Glitter in the shade of Honey, Body Shop Born Lippy in the shade of strawberry, Nivea Lip Balm, NIvea Pink Care gloss and Shine, and Maybelline Water Shine, i give and devise to my good friend Bob Derick Young.  I also hand down to him the make-up kits in Sun dome and the Lancome eye shadow pallete that my auntie had bought me.

To Naddie May Orillana, my lovely dancer/singer friend, I give and devise all my trinkets, necklaces, bangles, and dangling earrings.  may they find a place in your jewelry box.

To Methuselah Ramos, another very good friend, I give and devise all my photographs from the day I was born to the last one which is in her possession, requesting also that she does not part with these nor sell these even if the circumstance must call for it.

To Jan Paulo Bastreche, our class treasurer and my fairy goth mother, I hand down P264.75 from my Kaban ng Cash to pay for all my remaining debts in the form of fines and unpaid dues.

All my bags, purses, totes, backpacks, numbering 67 all in all, i hand give and devise to my gap pals from high school namely Ranzel Ondangan, Karen Torres, Gia Lim, Rea Yap, and Karlyle Siao.  Divide the bags equally among yourselves and take good care of them as I have.

All my pumps, flats, wedges, stilletoes, 46 pairs in all, some of which unused and unworn, I will leave to my biological mother with hopes that she will preserve every last pair and that she will not part with these under any circumstance.

I give to Ayesha Galanido all my manuscripts, books, and published works, including those that I have not finished writing as of the moment.  i also expressly desire that she will not have any of the books that i have written become published lest i shall haunt with such vengeance for pursuing something without my permission.

Lastly, to my friend, Bryce Tenorio, i hand down my cellular phone, all my musical CDs, my personal computer, and the fax machine where we engage in intelligent conversations over the most unintelligent things.

Should any of my heirs and devisees fail to survive the impending doom of the "mind-stitching, blood-spilling" monster with such "visioncast" for "stardome" and crew of assassins, whoever they may be, it it my expressed will to donate all my belongings to the survivors of his/hers/its version of ethnic cleansing.

In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and Seal this eleventh day of September, Anno Domini two thousand and six.

S. Alcantara

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