Brutality of the Goddess

I am a debater and I have sworn never to stutter in any debate, in any speaking engagement, in any argument.  and yet i still do.  i stutter even when i pronounce a phrase as simple and as elementary as ‘pandemonium.’  i stutter whenever i debate and i find myself at a loss for things to say.  i stutter when i see my coach sitting back with a sullen expression on his pudgy face as if to convey the message that what i’ve just said is like a piece of pumice thrown at a pond–it is weightless.

i am a debater and i have sworn by the pantheon of the debate gods whose names i will not mention, to be constantly informed of the goings-on around the globe.  i have sworn to know every nitty gritty detail regarding the ruby red lace cami that kris aquino wore during the ninth episode of Game Ka Na Ba?  i have sword to know what exactly is going on in the southern precipice of the Hindustan Mountains, in the easterly village of of Uk Ban Krakh. 

I am a debater and i have sworn to organize my speech.  and yet, when i start writing my speech during prep time, i find myself at a loss for logcial links to connect my claim, to support my claim, and the tie back the claim to the motion at hand.  i find myself constantly grasping for answers to the most funadamental questions as ‘is it justifiable?’ ‘is it necessary?’ ‘is it counterproductive?’ and, ‘does a pan-african union actually promot greater self-reliance and sustainability in the regions running through sudan and ethiopia?’

i am a debater and i have sworn to make each debate count, to make sure that each of the 120 minutes i spend on one motion worth every measly second.  and yet, i find myself tossing and turning at night when i recall how faulty my definition has been, how illogical and simplistic my arguments were, and how i generally sucked at the motion ‘thbt the african union should act without the interference of western devices.’

i am a debater and i have always sworn to myself that during the next debate, i will make it and break into the octofinals.  well, it’s been countless debates since and there’s not the faintest sign of breaking.

i am a debater and i have signed a pre-nuptial agreement with my teammates that whatever matter we have gathered before our consolidation as silliman team b, will remain ours at the moment of our parting.

i am a debater, forgive me if i talk about the most nonsensical things like supporting state-sponsored arts or the abolition of boxing.

i debate, therefore i am.

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