Brutality of the Goddess

The day was Tuesday, November 29, 2005.  the afternoon sky had faded into the calm shades of twilight but the air that lingered in the campus was the direct opposite.  students were screaming, apparently filled with that strange intramurals high, and teachers, well, they also did their bit of cheering for their college–especially those who were expecting to bag this year’s trophy.

we were inside the gym after having walked the death march from the VH grounds towards the gym.  the place was crammed with people coming from all the colleges in the university.  everyone was talking at the same time that the opening program seemed more like show ont he sidewalk–barely ntoiced, barely listened to.  in fact, no one really knew what was going on.  everyone just wanted to get the whole opening fiasco done and over with.

as the program went on (or so i thought) more people poured into the gym making it so packed, you’d automatically get the picture when they talk about overpopulation.  seeing that it was already oven-warm inside and too boring for words, a few friends and i decided to sneak out of the gym.

We did.  however, i failed to realize that our motto in the freshman batch was all for one and one for all.  what would’ve been an the escape of only say, four people turned out to be the retreat of an entire pack of freshmen (well, almost the entire batch), leaving a wide, gaping void at the masscom patch of the court.

i felt quite triumphant when we had set foot outside the antiquated building and honestly, i was about to jump for joy at having escaped when a dwarfish growl destroyed that certain feeling of euphoria.

"Asa man mo?" stress on the ‘mo’ there okay?  it was no other than one of our beloved kms officers who had come to shepherd her lost lambs back into that broiling pasture.

we were caught, obviously, and there was nothing left to do but to apply some of my hard-earned reasoning skills.

" Ay, adto mi sa Azucena mag kuha ug food," came my reply.  i swear i did try to sound convincing.

she studied us for a moment, disbelief marking her face at the large group that had just exited the gym.

" Ah, mao ba? bug-at jud dagoy nang inyong mga dalang sandwish sa kay 20 man pud mo kabuok.  besides, what’s the rush? 6:40 pa and the game is still at 8:30."

i honestly felt my cheeks flush.  embarrasment, mind you, is my least favorite emotion. dang.  we had no choice but to return.  i felt like one of those filthy crummy prisoners whose plan of a jailbreak had just been foiled.

we marched back, our heads bowed and our pride completely battered but we have already come up with a new strategy: if ever we wanted to sneak out of a boring program, all we had to do is to leave one by one using different exits to make it hard to monitor and, if all else fails, well, we’d have to go back to the drawing board.

let’s keep this our little secret, shall we?

Apart from reading and writing, one of my most favorite things in the world is to be interviewed.  so, out of boredom and frustration, i decided to interview myself.  here’s what i have to say:

Q: Hello, Stacy, how’s life?

A: Great so far.  a bit frustrating and harsh, but great altogether.

Q: So, what have you been doing lately?

A: Nothing much.  Just traveled the world over in search of the perfect pair of shoes.  Rome is great.  the Trevy fountain is exactly the way the books pictured it to be.  The coliseum–oh!  i just loved the feeling.  you know, when you step into that ruined place you seem to hear the cheers coming from a brutish crowd rooting for their favorite gladiator.

Q: Okay.  that’s nice.  if you were given a million bucks, what would you do with it?

A: well, maybe i’d set up scholarships and the like.  i’d give them to the most deservign kids sans financial matters.  i’d spend the rest on traveling and going on shopping safaris.  looks do count, you know.

Q: Describe your favorite place to go during the summer vacation.

A: Oh, that’s easy.  it’s got several stories, a few escalators and maybe even capsules.  lots of shops, air conditioned, plenty of discount and sale signs on the show windows.

Q: if you were stuck on a deserted island.  what three things would you bring and why?

A: I’d bring plenty of TIME and fashion magazines, a laptop, some functional solar cells for electricity.

Q: what irks you?

A: people who always leech on me for the smallest things.  i also hate the fact that just because i know how to write, people expect me to write everything for them.  haven’t they ever taken English classes?  or perhaps they did but were just busy cheating their butts off?  harsh, but yes.  that’s what i hate.  i do help but only to some extent.

Q: what is the other side of you that we do not know?

A: that i can be a real mean girl.  i can be brutally frank and i don’t give a damn.  i’m a sore loser and i hate people whose philsophy in life is ‘Give Chance.’  i get annoyed when people expect me to do everything for them.  that i only do things i like and that i don’t care what other people think.  you can hate me for all you want and i won’t even exert my effort to win you back.  i can be such an elitist and a material girl, it’d make you cringe.

Q: Well now, that’s…uh…okay, next question.  if you were to ask God one question, what would it be?

A: Are their malls in heaven?  If so, I’m HOME!

Being the president of a confused, chaotic, and intolerable republic may be the last thing on anyone’s list right now.  But really, I’ve always entertained that little thought: What if i were president?  Would I suck or would I simply be no less that exceptional?  Or perhaps just someone in between? 

I certainly do not know the answer to that question as of press time but really, if i were given a chance, here are some changes i’d impose and well, if people won’t agree to have those changes or will feel utmost inconvenience, sorry, wala ko’y "L." Queer, I know.

1. Presidential Decree No. 53203483573458:  let’s skip the details and get to the meat of the matter.  this PD will make all holidays, i.e New Year, Holy Week, Independence Day, Christmas, etc… into working holidays to ensure that my people will be working and working and working.  It’s not all that bad.  As they said, if you chose a job that’s you’re passion, you aren’t necessarily working.  now wouldn’t that be a treat?

2. Educational Decree No. 48574957497545498: Sembreaks will be cut down to three days, Summer breaks to 1 week, and no other vacations are allowed.  We study, we have fun in school.  now, wouldn’t that be a treat?

3. Republic Act No. 134454084584583: All dead bodies shall be cremated here on thus giving rice to a bigger funeral urn industry and thus saving space that’s badly needed by the living.  now, wouldn’t that be a treat?

4. Executive Order No. 458490580583: Brick games, Video games, playing cards, board games, and all other toys, and thingamajigs of thesame nature are prohibited in government offices and private offices save those that deal with the experimentation of such for its proliferation in the market.

5. Educational Decree No. 0495405847649: Basic Education shall be reduced to six years.  after which, children will be classified according to their area of specialization and shall focus on such for eight years.  in his last four years of studying, he shall receive a salary and shall thereby pay taxes to the government.

6. Presidential Decree No. 97348287247239749237: there will be a total ban on vehicles that emit fumes hazardous to the environment.  everyone will use bicycles for transportation.  cargoes shall be delivered through rickshaws.  this is in line for our goal of reducing carbon emissions by 80% by 2015.